There is a woman that works at Durham’s big Tesco who thinks I’m 18. She also thinks I’m super cute, slightly ’special’ and adorable. She also has a lovely teenager who knows how to cook and if I married her, I would have my life sorted. That is one paragraph I never thought I would be writing. To be honest, I walked into that situation on my own, mainly because I lied. Or at least I didn’t deny what she was saying.
During my three day stay at Durham for the induction week to my PhD, I’m staying at a hotel. As nice hotel as it is (and it is rather comfy), it has no restaurant or bar, and the city centre is a 15 minutes drive (or 40 minutes walk). Out of lazyness, I decided to not go out for dinner, but instead get the car, grab some essentials from this massive Tesco five minutes away from where I’m staying, and just eat dinner in my bed while watching whatever on the television.
Once at Tesco I found this rather cute, cheap, cooking book and since I was looking for one for the past month, I decided to buy it. This is, what the woman and the counter saw, and in this specific order:
- Southern Fried Chicken from the hot deli section
- Cheese Salad (which, by the way, apparently has a huge amount of calories)
- Fresh Melon and Grape easy takeaway
- 200 Easy Suppers Cookbook
After checking the chicken and salad, I had a sympathetic look from the woman, who took her time to asses everything I was buying. The melon and grape went past without comment, but she couldn’t resist when she saw the cookbook.
Her: Learning how to cook?
Me: Excuse me?
Her: The cookbook (still in her hands)
Me: Yes, well, you know.
Her: Aw! I see. First time away from home?
Me: Erm… well… yes. Sure. (WHAT!? I’ve been living 10 years away from home! What are you saying yes for!?).
Her: AAAAW… That’s why you chose ready cooked meals!
Me: Yes, you know… he he he (What on Earth are you saying! Say no! Explain you are staying at the hotel!!).
Her: First time at university, huh?
Me: That obvious? He he he (erm, dude, you already have a degree and an MA, hardly first university year this one!).
Her: I have a girl your age, she knows how to cook!
Me: Nice (well, at 28, surely she should know how to cook).
Her: I should totally set you two up. She is in her last year of high school.
Me: Excuse me?
Her: Laura, she wants to do Biology next year.
Me: Oh, how nice.
Her: She’s very clever (she hands me the book), and you won’t need that book when you meet her! Ha ha ha
Me: Yes, well, ha ha ha. (You are not 18! You know how to cook! What the heck are you doing?).
Her: I should take your number right now! Ha ha ha
Me: (panic) I don’t know my mobile by heart (yup, that’s exactly the reason I wouldn’t give her my number…)
Her: You don’t?
Me: I’m really bad at memorising numbers. (Leave! Leave! Leave! Leave!).
Her: I should giver you hers! Ha ha ha. That’s 7 pounds 67.
Me: what? (I have to pay for her number now?)
Her: 7 pounds 67.
Me: Oh! The food. Yes. (You are special). Thanks. Well, bye.
Her: I’ll see you around for sure!
Me: But of course! (Never again, darling).
Awww, bless. That’s adorable! *laughing*
You’ll be avoiding her checkout in the future. I bet if she sees you again she’ll have a photo of her child (wonder if she wears a school uniform) with the mobile number on the back.